End Times Prophetic, Prophecy, Visions, Dreams, Revelation, Christian Blog

Christian prophecy for the church and for the nations from a servant of God called to speak God’s word

A Deep Age Old Theological Question

“Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?”

Article From This Site here 

Kierkegaard: Just because a chicken crosses the road it does not mean he is on the other side 

Tillich: The chicken had the courage to be on the other side of the road 

Qohelet: Crossing the road is meaningless 

Mark: Immediately the chicken crossed the road 

Luther: There I stood 

Hebrew writer: The LORD made his road straight. 

Calvin: The chicken was predestined to cross the road (I’m sure no one saw this one coming) 

Arminius: The chicken chose to cross the road (ditto above) 

Descartes: I cross; therefore, I am. 

Job: Consider the chicken, Were you there when it first crossed the road? 

Paul of Tarsus: The chicken does not understand what it does. The chicken does not want to cross the road. It does what it does not want to do, but what it hates to do. Who will save him from this life of road-crossing?!? 

Jesus: Before the chicken crossed the road: I Am 

John of Patmos: This is the message we have received concerning the chicken: he has crossed the road and there is no darkness in him 

MLK: The chicken had a dream of a mountain top from where he could see the other side of the road 

Feminist Theologian: Typical patriarchy. I know you mean a rooster. Why can’t it be a hen? 

Liberation Theologian: Because poor people were on the other side

Jim West: Lord Zwingli commanded him, “Cross!” And the dilettante chicken crossed…away from a homeschool.

John Wesley: “About a quarter before nine, while the leader was describing the change God works in the location of the chicken, I felt my heart strangely warmed. I felt I did trust in the chicken alone for nutrition, and an assurance was given me that he had crossed my road, even mine, and saved me from the vegetarian option on the menu.”

Billy Graham: There are four things the chicken wants you to know:

(1) The chicken loves you
(2) The chicken is across the road
(3) Your sins have created the road that separates you from the chicken
(4) The chicken crossed the road to be on your side

Add yours here….

Todd Bentley: The chicken was barking like a dog and I BAMMED him across the road!

Bob Jones: I ordered the chicken to be plucked naked so I can prophesy on how she can cross the road.

The Spiritualist:  To get to the Other Side

Patricia King: He did not need the cross as he went through a portal instead

Todd Bentley (again): To get ’some’ tangible transferable anointing

Lakeland Supporters: We’ll wait to see the fruit, who are you to judge?

Rick Joyner: for the sake of unity

Mike Bickle: Look, I know the chicken prophesied he would cross the ocean last year; but, he’s still growing in the prophetic. He is not a false prophet. We’re all under Grace now. But, don’t take my word for it. Check the scriptures for yourself.

Contemplative prayer practicers: The chicken did not cross the road. He stilled himself before the Lord and listened for His voice. Then the chicken had vision that he had been carried across the road by the Lord. Even though he did not move, the chicken was moved by his vision and felt that he had already crossed the road.

Todd Bentley: The chicken was in the front pew just worshiping, and the angel said, kick it in the face. So I did and it..I swear this is true, it fell under the anointing and levitated to the other side.

KIM CLEMENT (3 days before the crossing of the road by the chicken): The Lord tells me that in no uncertain terms that the chicken will NEVER cross that road. Wow, the prophetic word is really flowing tonight.

BENNY HINN: Well, of course my chicken is going to need a $12,000 gold-plated wagon to get across the road. You don’t expect him to cross in an old wheelbarrow while doing the Lord’s work, do you?

PAUL AND JAN CROUCH: Listen, beloved, if you want the message of the chicken to continue, please sow your best chicken seed RIGHT NOW!

BILL CLINTON: Yeah, I saw that chicken….Nice legs.

COLONEL SANDERS: BURP

MIRIAM FRANKLIN: When I see all this hyper-active, fleshly signs-oriented road crossing that tries to pass itself off as a move of God, I have to ask where do we find any of this in God’s Word.

KIM CLEMENT (3 days after the crossing of the road by the chicken): I know many of you have misinterpreted my earlier prophecy concerning the chicken, and it just goes to show little you understand how the prophetic works. (PS, the government has asked me to remove the chicken prophecy due to national security concerns)

David Pawson: The chicken is not biblical so it is fairly uncertain wheter it crossed the road or not. The chicken may not have been at all.

Jesus: Because the chicken believed in me “I am The Way, The truth and The Life.”

Rick Warren: The chicken needs a purpose for crossing the road.

Chuck Pierce: In the hebrew calendar this is a year of new crossings for the chicken

Kenneth Copeland  I stood in agreement with him so the chicken crossed the road to me

Creflo Dollar The chicked sowed his seed to build a bridge to cross the road

Chuck Pierce: June is the Hebraic month of Tammuz, a TIME OF SEEING! God plans to give his people A NEW VISION of THE GLORY REALM and A RENEWED PURPOSE! I sense A POULTRY INVASION INTO THE ASPHALT REALM, and many chickens shall be relocated into GREATER ANOINTINGS!

Watchman: Well the chicken thought he was jumping into the river to ‘get with it’ … and when he regained consciousness, he realised that he was off the other side of the straight and narrow path.

The Self Proclaimed Prophet: He didn’t cross the road; God wouldn’t have made another side without running it by him first.

The Doubter: He didn’t, there was no other side except his

Brian Fenimore: Lately in my Christian experience, the Lord’s been developing this theme about the Chicken crossing the road.

Kris Vallotton: So, howmannyofya know that the chicken crossed the road?? That was a good joke right there.

John Piper: The Chicken is most glorified when I am most satisfied in him.

Mike Bickle: Beloved, The Chicken crossed the road.

Bill Johnson: The Chicken got what I deserved, so that I could get what he deserved.

Georgian Banov: Woooooah. ha ha ha ha. Shiggi. So, I was drinking the word the other day, and I read this verse “and the chicken crossed the road.” It’s just so funny, you know … God’s really funny.

Televangelist: Are you willing to cross the road and sow that $1,000 seed?

Kennith “Daddy” Haggin: The Chicken had the authority to cross the road.

John: And behold, I saw a seven headed beast with the resemblance of a Chicken which crossed a great black divide. The Angel then poured out the fifth bowl upon the earth….

Fundamentalist: In the King James Bible, it says “the Chicken that pisseth against the wall crossed the road.” All those other per-versions like your sissy NIV say “the chicken crossed the road.” So, everyone who doesn’t read the KJV is going to hell……….

Speaker in Toronto: he he he…. alright lets get into the word. Verse 7. And the Chicken crossed the road. Woahhh….. ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa *Audience laughs for 20 minutes*

Rick Warren: It was a purpose driven chicken.

Bob Jones: So, a purple colored 6 headed chicken appeared to me one day in ma’ living room’ and says to me ………

Todd Bentley: The chicken will cross the road when I allow it too

Atheist: I don’t believe there is a chicken.

Agnostic: There’s no way to prove there is or isn’t a chicken crossing the road.

Emergent Church Crowd: Brian McLaren was there

Juanita Bynum: Who Cares? There was Money there

Traditionalist: They followed the path of those before

Pentecostal: He did not want to touch God’s anointed

Sadducee: There is no other side

Charismatic: It felt Good

Hippie: It was far out

Pioneer: To Blaze a Glorious Trail

March for Jesus: To reclaim the land

Roman Catholic: It does not matter, all roads to Rome

Kenneth Copeland, Benny Hinn, Joyce Meyer, Creflo Dollar, Marilyn Hickey etc:  To avoid Senator Grassley

Joel Osteen:  Urr…. it is not why  you should focus on but how  the chicken went! He went in his gold plated private jet. God wants the chicken’s best life now. 

Paula White: to get cosmetic surgery. She’s not a spring chicken anymore.

C Peter Wagner and the New Apostles:  We are the road.

June 9, 2008 - Posted by endtimespropheticwords | Benny Hinn, Billy Graham, Brian McLaren, Chuck Pierce, Creflo Dollar, Emergent church, John Piper, John Wesley, Juanita Bynum, Kenneth Copeland, Kim Clement, Martin Luther, Paul and Jan Crouch, Paula White, Prophecy, Rick Warren, Todd Bentley | , , , | 74 Comments

74 Comments »

  1. That’s funny stuff! How about adding these?

    Todd Bentley: The chicken was barking like a dog and I BAMMED him across the road!

    Bob Jones: I ordered the chicken to be plucked naked so I can prophesy on how she can cross the road.

    Comment by Erik | June 10, 2008

  2. Love it :)

    Comment by endtimespropheticwords | June 10, 2008

  3. Erik – That’s hysterical! Boy, I needed that laugh today, thanks! :)

    Comment by Groovy Girl (formerly Sarah) | June 10, 2008

  4. I needed the comic relief!

    Comment by Lee | June 10, 2008

  5. Mike Bickle: Look, I know the chicken prophesied he would cross the ocean last year; but, he’s still growing in the prophetic. He is not a false prophet. We’re all under Grace now. But, don’t take my word for it. Check the scriptures for yourself.

    Comment by Lee | June 10, 2008

  6. Thanks for the laugh! How about this one:

    Contemplative prayer practicers: The chicken did not cross the road. He stilled himself before the Lord and listened for His voice. Then the chicken had vision that he had been carried across the road by the Lord. Even though he did not move, the chicken was moved by his vision and felt that he had already crossed the road.

    Comment by TLC | June 10, 2008

  7. Miriam – I laughed at these and went to the link to the blog where they originated. I found this – and thought you would be interested
    http://same.wordpress.com/2008/05/31/toronto-speaks-on-deception/

    Comment by paul | June 10, 2008

  8. Todd Bentley: The chicken was in the front pew just worshiping, and the angel said, kick it in the face. So I did and it..I swear this is true, it fell under the anointing and levitated to the other side.

    Comment by pookie | June 10, 2008

  9. KIM CLEMENT (3 days before the crossing of the road by the chicken): The Lord tells me that in no uncertain terms that the chicken will NEVER cross that road. Wow, the prophetic word is really flowing tonight.

    Comment by Andy | June 10, 2008

  10. BENNY HINN: Well, of course my chicken is going to need a $12,000 gold-plated wagon to get across the road. You don’t expect him to cross in an old wheelbarrow while doing the Lord’s work, do you?

    Comment by Andy | June 10, 2008

  11. PAUL AND JAN CROUCH: Listen, beloved, if you want the message of the chicken to continue, please sow your best chicken seed RIGHT NOW!

    Comment by Andy | June 10, 2008

  12. BILL CLINTON: Yeah, I saw that chicken….Nice legs.

    Comment by Andy | June 10, 2008

  13. COLONEL SANDERS: BURP!

    Comment by Andy | June 10, 2008

  14. MIRIAM FRANKLIN: When I see all this hyper-active, fleshly signs-oriented road crossing that tries to pass itself off as a move of God, I have to ask where do we find any of this in God’s Word.

    Comment by Andy | June 10, 2008

  15. KIM CLEMENT (3 days after the crossing of the road by the chicken): I know many of you have misinterpreted my earlier prophecy concerning the chicken, and it just goes to show little you understand how the prophetic works. (PS, the government has asked me to remove the chicken prophecy due to national security concerns)

    Comment by Andy | June 10, 2008

  16. David Pawson: The chicken is not biblical so it is fairly uncertain wheter it crossed the road or not. The chicken may not have been at all.

    Comment by Pete Rehn | June 10, 2008

  17. Jesus: Because the chicken believed in me “I am The Way, The truth and The Life.”

    Comment by Pete | June 10, 2008

  18. Rick Warren: The chicken needs a purpose for crossing the road.

    Chuck Pierce: In the hebrew calendar this is a year of new crossings for the chicken

    Comment by Morten | June 10, 2008

  19. I stood in agreement with him so the chicken crossed the road to me (Kenneth Copeland)

    The chicked sowed his seed to build a bridge to cross the road (Creflo Dollar0

    Comment by Stevetherev | June 10, 2008

  20. Chuck Pierce: June is the Hebraic month of Tammuz, a TIME OF SEEING! God plans to give his people A NEW VISION of THE GLORY REALM and A RENEWED PURPOSE! I sense A POULTRY INVASION INTO THE ASPHALT REALM, and many chickens shall be relocated into GREATER ANOINTINGS!

    …ugh.. I feel dirty just typing that! :-P

    Comment by AndyB | June 10, 2008

  21. Well the chicken thought he was jumping into the river to ‘get with it’ … and when he regained consciousness, he realised that he was off the other side of the straight and narrow path.

    Comment by Bull | June 10, 2008

  22. The Prophet: He didn’t cross the road; God wouldn’t have made another side without running it by him first.

    The Doubter: He didn’t, there was no other side except his

    Comment by Kathryn | June 10, 2008

  23. Came across your blog. Thank God for people like you who protect everyone from the “evil” works of the Holy Spirit. Jesus asked the Pharisees “If I cast out demons by Beelzabub, by whom do your sons cast them out?” A house divided against itself will fall.” I have been a Christian for 50 years now. Seen and felt the Holy Spirit (He can be felt)many, many times. God has given me the gift of discernment. I have been to the Florida revival and felt the HOLY SPIRIT in that place. No, I am not accustomed to the appearance of the messenger, and am fully aware that some of the manifestations taking place in the audience is not the HOLY SPIRIT, but flesh or perhaps demonic. However, that does not make the outpouring false nor demonic. I refuse to be an “accuser of the bretheren” The comments on your blog pain me as it must pain our Lord. Paul (the Apostle) talks about some in the Church biting and devouring each other and it appears that is what is happening here. Jesus said if you Judge you are not a doer of the word, but a Judge of it. Please, go down to Lakeland and see if anything done is not of the Lord before you spew out venom against it.
    GOD is a big boy and can defend himself. The attack of Satan against the Revival that was talked about earlier is being carried out right here. Satan whispers in an ear that this is wrong and the next thing you know there are followers jumping on the bandwagan and doing his work for him. GOD Loves You, seek His Council. If this is of God and you try to stop it, you will be contending against God Himself. If it is not of God, He will stop it. He doesn’t need the accuser of the brethern to do it.

    Comment by Elaine | June 10, 2008

  24. Brian Fenimore: Lately in my Christian experience, the Lord’s been developing this theme about the Chicken crossing the road.

    Kris Vallotton: So, howmannyofya know that the chicken crossed the road?? That was a good joke right there.

    John Piper: The Chicken is most glorified when I am most satisfied in him.

    Mike Bickle: Beloved, The Chicken crossed the road.

    Bill Johnson: The Chicken got what I deserved, so that I could get what he deserved.

    Georgian Banov: Woooooah. ha ha ha ha. Shiggi. So, I was drinking the word the other day, and I read this verse “and the chicken crossed the road.” It’s just so funny, you know … God’s really funny.

    Televangelist: Are you willing to cross the road and sow that $1,000 seed?

    Kennith “Daddy” Haggin: The Chicken had the authority to cross the road.

    John: And behold, I saw a seven headed beast with the resemblance of a Chicken which crossed a great black divide. The Angel then poured out the fifth bowl upon the earth….

    Fundamentalist: In the King James Bible, it says “the Chicken that pisseth against the wall crossed the road.” All those other per-versions like your sissy NIV say “the chicken crossed the road.” So, everyone who doesn’t read the KJV is going to hell……….

    Speaker in Toronto: he he he…. alright lets get into the word. Verse 7. And the Chicken crossed the road. Woahhh….. ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa *Audience laughs for 20 minutes*

    Rick Warren: It was a purpose driven chicken.

    Bob Jones: So, a purple colored 6 headed chicken appeared to me one day in ma’ living room’ and says to me ………

    Comment by Matt | June 10, 2008

  25. how about this one from Todd Bentley. “The chicken will cross the road when I alow it too”

    Comment by amedrh | June 10, 2008

  26. My mistake: I meant “The Self Proclaimed Prophet:

    Comment by Kathryn | June 10, 2008

  27. Atheist: I don’t believe there is a chicken.

    Comment by Kate | June 10, 2008

  28. HAAAHAHAHA! Good one Kate :)

    Agnostic: There’s no way to prove there is or isn’t a chicken crossing the road.

    Comment by servant | June 10, 2008

  29. Kate: Love it!! LOL!!!

    Comment by Groovy Girl (formerly Sarah) | June 10, 2008

  30. Guys – love it…. Good to see Andy’s humour anointing is back too! See, it was worth seeding me that US$777 wasn’t it, Andy?

    Comment by endtimespropheticwords | June 10, 2008

  31. Lee: that is so true!

    Comment by endtimespropheticwords | June 10, 2008

  32. Andy – OH MY GOSH! I hadn’t read far enough back earlier! You continue to crack me up!

    You guys are all so comically gifted! I am so lacking in that area. HEY!- Can you impart some of that comic annointing to me???!!! Is it transferrable???

    Comment by Groovy Girl (formerly Sarah) | June 10, 2008

  33. Hey guys the above article is from my blog. I’m glad you guys enjoyed it, and some of the new additions are AWESOME… now if I can only find a way to pawn them off as my own.

    Comment by agathos | June 10, 2008

  34. Agathos: it’s all good. Well done and thanks for making me smile.

    Comment by endtimespropheticwords | June 10, 2008

  35. Groovy Girl – all it takes is a seed. Got your credit card?

    Comment by endtimespropheticwords | June 10, 2008

  36. JOYCE MEYER: The chicken’s ok and she’s on her way.
    (and the chicken’s friend follows her across the road shouting ‘what about me? what about me?’)

    Comment by Elizabeth A | June 10, 2008

  37. C. Peter Wagner: The chicken needs to be under the authority of an apostle and ask permission to cross the road.

    Antichrist: There will be peace and safety when you cross the road. (Unfortunately, the chicken was roadkill halfway across).

    Comment by Erik | June 10, 2008

  38. Chicken: I saw men clucking like a chicken; barking and walking on all fours like a barnyard dog; writhing like a snake; roaring like I don’t know what; and otherwise doing some very strange things. So, I went as fast as I could to the other side of the road before I caught what they had and started adopting human attributes. What a nightmare! I ain’t goin’ back!

    Comment by Lee | June 10, 2008

  39. Paul Cain: The chicken wasn’t drunk and it certainly wasn’t going to that gay bar across the road. What’s its name again?

    Comment by MM | June 11, 2008

  40. Patricia King : The chicken crossed the road to sit with me at Bob Jones’s feet and adore him, while we went up to the third heaven, smelled vanilla, and watched the blue flames all around. My personal opinion is that the chicken wanted to see the angel feathers, gold dust, and oil. Oh, yes, and don’t forget the diamonds.

    Comment by Dave | June 11, 2008

  41. First of all, Miriam, everyone knows that 7 is the number of completion, so the $777 was for 2007. 8, as in 2008, is the number of new beginnings. I forsee 2008 as the year of new starts for all of you (Can I get a halle-freakin’-lujah!!!)

    Therefore, God is asking you to step out in faith and send in $888 this year. (And the Lord wants me to let you know that He is looking for some special, super-spiritual annointed ‘covenant partners’ who will, in faith, go in debt and send in $8,888)

    WAIT, I’m getting something from the ‘angel of whatever-the-heck-I’m-pushing-this-week’ who has given me a name. Yes, I’m certain this is the one who will send in that $8,888 – the angel tells me her name is ‘Gravy Ghoul’ or ‘Gravy Girl’ or something like that. (WAIT – I think she also goes by the name Sardine or Saran Wrap or Farrah or something similar to that) (NOTE: I think there is a demon of ’staticy radio frequencies’ trying to hinder the prophetic tonight – I rebuke that demon in the name of Kenneth Copeland)

    Anyway, if this is you, the Lord wants you to know if you step out in faith and send in that $8,888 that you will never lack for money every again, always be in perfect health, always be able to get into your summer swimsuit without even working out (one piece please), and you will permantly defeat the demon of body odor so that you will never have to use deodorant again.

    Not only that, all your relationships will always work out, your boss will give you a big promotion, you’ll never again buy a CD with only one good song on it while the rest of it sucks; You’ll never again make just a little too much spaghetti, all the clothes you buy will fit just like they did in the store when you tried them on, your hair will always look just like it did right after you got it cut, and your dog Skippy whom your parents sent to that special doggy ranch upstate when you were 8 (there’s that number again) will come home to you in perfect health.

    So, please, call now. The Lord is waiting to bless you. Operators are standing by.

    Comment by Andy | June 11, 2008

  42. Oh, and Miriam, you said,

    “Groovy Girl – all it takes is a seed. Got your credit card?”

    My reply: Um… Back off, I’m working this corner!

    Comment by Andy | June 11, 2008

  43. Todd Bentley- I told my angel Emma to carry the chicken across the road.

    Comment by Rachel Warren | June 11, 2008

  44. Response to Andy (post 32) If you send me, ahem, excuse me, I mean…sow a seed for $10,000, I’ll send you this anointed golden chicken cloth…just place this cloth on your funny bone….and you will be the laughing stock of the party!

    Comment by pookie | June 11, 2008

  45. This need to be printed in a book called
    ‘The 21st century church’

    Oh how far have we fallen.

    Comment by Paula | June 11, 2008

  46. Want more of these?

    William Branham: The chicken crossed the road! (Actually found out a week later the chicken was roadkill). It wasn’t my fault, the chicken that had no faith to begin with.

    John Crowder: After the chicken smoked some jehovahjuana, he was thirsty. He saw godka on the other side of the road. It was groovy and trippy.

    Paul Cain: I deny having any homosexual relations with chickens.

    Comment by Erik | June 11, 2008

  47. You guys are so naughty.
    BTW I’m going to clean my sons room now (the abomination of desolation as spoken of by Daniel the Prophet).
    Anyone got a ‘word’ for me?

    Comment by Elizabeth A | June 11, 2008

  48. Rick Joyner: First of all the chicken was posessed and slid across the road on demonic excrements…

    Comment by Pete Rehn | June 11, 2008

  49. Ok, Now I get it. This isn’t a Christian Blog. It is for those who want to make fun of Christians. Sorry, I inserted myself here. I was out of place.

    Comment by Elaine | June 11, 2008

  50. Or was that to Daniel? Ah well. Anyway, I’m sure all you bible scholars will put me straight on that one.

    Comment by Elizabeth A | June 11, 2008

  51. Been pondering on the Chicken. Anyone remamber the story of Chicken Licken (’the sky is fallin’)?
    Sort of makes me think of ‘open heaven’ and ‘portals’!

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Scotty of the Starship Enterprise: to get to the transporter room.

    Comment by Elizabeth A | June 11, 2008

  52. Remamber is really remember in chicken Lickens accent.

    Comment by Elizabeth A | June 11, 2008

  53. This was the funniest thing ever to read after reading all this heavy stuff on Todd Bentley the false prophet bearing the demonic spirit of kundalini!!!!!! I’m from South Australia and this thing is getting promoted all over the world!!! God help anyone who gets imparted with this evil spirit!!! I’m glad though to see many people on the internet in other countries realising how horrible and violent these “healings” and “anointings” are!!!! I cried in grief and horror when I saw that youtube of Todd Bentley gleefully telling the laughing crowd how God apparently told him to bash people up. All I have to say is – God has us!!! Well done End times prophetic words team!!!!

    Comment by Melissa | June 11, 2008

  54. Elaine,
    This is a welcome break from all of the weeping I have been doing lately over the deception and foolishness that has been unleashed of late. Call it what you want, people are making fun of the ridiculous things people say, not the people themselves. Laughter works good like a medicine.

    Comment by Dave | June 11, 2008

  55. Elaine,

    I think there are some reasons why your earlier comment (#23) was totally ignored in this post.

    First of all, this is one of the few posts on this blog that allows for a little bit of levity. Since the issues we find ourselves dealing with here are so important and worry us so much, it’s good for us to get a little off our chests in the form of humor sometimes.

    Secondly, everything you said in that post has been hashed and rehashed so many times in dealing with this supposed revival that we just kind of get tired of replying to the same ignorant remarks by some drive by poster. (When I use the word ignorant – I mean it in the lack of knowledge sense, not in any way to demean your character)

    Thirdly, most of the problems with Todd Bentley (not all, but most) have to do with what HE SAYS and what he teaches. In the bible (written by the Holy Spirit) we are told to test the spirits. In your post, you told us to go against the Holy Spirit’s teaching and NOT to test the spirits. Is that what you call the gift of discernment?, urging other Christians NOT to do what the Holy Spirit tells us to do in scripture.

    I mean, you SAY you ‘felt’ the Holy Spirit in Lakeland, but then you post here instructing other Christians to ignore the Holy Spirit’s teaching in God’s Word. If you able to deny and contradict the Holy Spirit’s teaching, then how are we to be able to take your word that you ‘felt’ him in Lakeland.

    And you see, this is just like the problem we have with what’s going on in Florida. There are these massive claims (unsabstaniated, mostly) of what the Holy Spirit is doing there, but yet virtually all the teaching that goes on there denies, perverts, and flat out contradicts that very same Holy Spirit’s teaching in God’s revealed Word.

    Elaine, (and I think I speak for most of us here), we can and will discuss what is going on in Lakeland with you. But, and this is a big BUT, if our standard and your standard is not the Word of God, then it’s a futile exercise. Please feel free to join us in biblically discerning the true from the false, as the Holy Spirit (the same One who is supposed in Lakeland) commands us to do.

    Comment by Andy | June 11, 2008

  56. I’m not here to do the chicken jokes now like I have been in these comments. I come here to repent of this because I felt in my spirit it wasn’t right. The Lord convicted me. I did not set a good example for others. It reminded me in scripture of what Apostle Paul wrote to Titus in Titus 2:6-8,

    “Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and SOUNDNESS OF SPEECH that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.” (emphasis mine)

    I know the chicken jokes are funny and it’s nice to have a laugh amid all the seriousness. But let’s not lose our saltiness over a few jokes. This blog’s purpose is to warn others the dangers of false teachings and doctrines that’s been going on now that are deceiving our own. We are at war, a very serious war over the souls of our brothers and sisters who are being led astray by these lying and deceiving demonic spirits.

    So, I ask for forgiveness for making these jokes that does not edify anyone. I was wrong.

    God bless.

    Comment by Erik | June 11, 2008

  57. Elaine: Your inability to appreciate a little humour and sarcasm puzzles me since your first post clearly started with your own version of such with “Thank God for people like you…” which was clearly very sarcastic as the remainder of the post demonstrates.

    Also, there’s something I’ve always wanted to ask people like you, if, as you say, “GOD is a big boy and can defend himself” and it’s not then our place to defend the things of God, what exactly brought you here to this website and compelled you to put your 2 cents worth in and defend the so called revival at Lakeland. Why does the same rational not apply to you? Bit of a double standard don’t you think… That is, if you’re allowed to think without it interfering with your “discernment”.

    As one who has been previously caught up in a lot of things that I now know to be totally against scripture, I am thankful for this website bringing these things to our attention and contending for the faith amongst a church that is largely swept away with every wind of doctrine and false prophet and wolf in sheeps clothing that arises in its midst.

    Comment by Cindy | June 11, 2008

  58. Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Kenneth Copeland: The Lord spoke to me one night and told me that if I had known scripture like that chicken, I could have been the one to cross that road. It was just a redeemed chicken that defeated that road. That near blew my mind…

    Comment by Cindy | June 11, 2008

  59. John Piper: The chicken crossed the road to display Christ’s supremacy in all things.

    Evangelical Pastor: *Quotes John Piper*

    Bill Johnson: The Chicken is perfect theology. Anything you can’t find in the life of the chicken you have reason to question.

    William Branham: The Chicken is an occult doctrine.

    John Crowder: oyn oyn oyn….. the Chicken was living in the realm of heavy drunken glooray

    Benjamin Dunn: Wooooooah.. he he he, let’s go toke the Chicken.

    Benjamin Dunn: He was on his way to a Holy Ghost house party.

    The Beatles: Were bigger than the Chicken.

    John Wimber: He was doin’ the stuff.

    Prophetic Musician: Release the sound of the Chicken crossing the road. Release the sound…. Oh, release the sound.

    Bill Johnson: I can’t afford to think a thought that’s not the Chicken’s.

    Patricia King : So Bob Jones and Todd and I sat in this restaurant, and we held hands… and as we ascended to the third heaven, I smelled vanilla, and saw a faint light. Bob says to me “Do you see that light?” and I realized I saw the same light as he did!!!!!!!! It was the great chicken. It had a blue flame around it, and was surrounded by jewels, gold dust, and many many angel feathers. I realized then that this was the chicken healing anointing. Glorrrry.

    Comment by Matt | June 11, 2008

  60. Erik,
    Gulp, same conviction here, I was likewise wrong. It’s fun to have a laugh, and some of us desperately need it with all the craziness and heaviness of the issues at hand, but let’s remember that we all answer to the Lord, and it would be good to spend time interceeding for those that are going the wrong way.

    Comment by Dave | June 11, 2008

  61. Uh-oh. I’m feeling a division coming on between the repentant and the unrepentant!
    I agree we should be careful, and not be a stumbling block etc. I admit I was a little wary of taking things too far (fine line and all that).
    However, I do believe God has a sense of humour, else why did he create laughter? And it’s a coping mechanism for me as I shed many tears last night when I saw a boy with ‘Aspergers Syndrome’ (I have a son with High Functioning Autism) claiming to be healed in Lakeland.It made me physically sick.

    Comment by Elizabeth A | June 12, 2008

  62. Elizabeth A,

    I have not been watching the goings-on; but, I can understand your feelings in watching the boy. I have an ex-stepson who is a highly functioning autistic. So sad…

    Comment by Lee | June 12, 2008

  63. I have always dealt with hard times by laughing. Especially triumphant laughter when looking back.

    I think the chicken jokes are good for one specific reason among many. How many people look at these False Teachers, False Prophets, Mega Ministers and Ministries as giants??? How many people dare not question them and shake at the thought of “touching the annointed”?

    Well, I laugh because the chicken joke shows me these Super Apostles and ministers are not as big as they would like everyone to think they are.

    Give me a slingshot and a chicken! :)

    Comment by servant | June 12, 2008

  64. I have been strugling with conviction also, over several things I’ve posted on this site. I NEVER want to be a stumbling block for someone else!

    This site has been a real blessing to me. I have learned so much, made friends, and been able to ask questions and vent frustration. But my husband (after reading through this thread) reminded me that the unsaved read this too. So, although I LOVE to laugh, I will try to refrain from comments that could be contrued as mean-spirited.

    God Bless!

    Comment by Groovy Girl | June 12, 2008

  65. I have to admit, I just about fell off my chair when I read the one about Joyner and the “demonic excrements…” Having read his blue coats grey coats “word” many years ago, it just hit my funny bone real hard.

    Comment by Me | June 13, 2008

  66. Thanks so much for the replys to my earlier comments. I too test the spirits against the written word. In the revival meetings I attended and have watched on TV, I have found them to be genuine. Here is my reasoning.
    1. Does it glorify GOD? In scripture Jesus instructs us to heal the sick, deliver the captives, etc. I beleive they do that in the name of Jesus. I am not crazy about the package, but that is between them and GOD.
    2. Do they beleive that Jesus is the son of God and came in the flesh? From the preaching they do.
    3. Who does the healing? They say it is the Holy Spirit.
    4. Does it edify and not tear down the body of Christ? They want to see people set free from all kinds of things and seem to have genuine compassion on them.
    5. Do they show compassion and love to those who are outside the faith? They don’t require you to be a beleiver before they pray for you but encourge you to become one.
    6. Are people being saved? I have seen them many times have alter calls where many came forward and gave their lives to Christ.
    7. What kind of fruit are they producing? Do they use their platform to tear down others and promote themselves?
    I have just observed them giving glory to GOD. Many are set free from addictions, sins, sickness, etc.
    8. Can they document the healings? They are in the process of getting all the doctor proof from as many healings as they can. By the way Todd will be on Geraldo on Fox at 10:00 Saturday night. If you want a non biased interview I think you should watch.
    Now, I haven’t quoted the scriptures I use to test the spirits here, but could give them to you if you like. I hope my comments haven’t offended anyone because I am instructed in the word to “Touch not my annointed, and do my prophets no harm” and I don’t know if any of you are annointed and prophets or not. Paul wrote that even the angels wouldn’t and would say “the Lord rebuke you devil”
    GOD Bless you all and may you find HIS higher purpose for your lives.

    Comment by Elaine | June 13, 2008

  67. Why did the chicken cross the road?

    It was hot on the other side and he /she, the angel, didnt want a roasting!

    Scottish presbyterian: there are 3 points to consider as the chicken crosses the road.

    Scottish baptist: now there will be a full orange sauce with this duckling for dippin’

    Scottish episcapalian:Turn to page 3 of the order of service and we will follow together the journey of the chicken crossing the road. i read the first line and the congregation should read the next…and so on.

    Scottish emerging person:Why did the chicken cross the road good question let me reflect on that and get back to you.

    ah yes I know to get to the labarynth station.

    Comment by Brian Robertson | June 13, 2008

  68. why did the chicken cross the road?

    Oprah: to be as god.

    …no wait that’s the new ager

    …..no wait that’s the word of faith preachers

    …..no wait that’s the serpent in the garden

    …..no wait that’s Todd Bentley

    Comment by Mary B | June 13, 2008

  69. 1 Timothy 1:1-4
    1 Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ, by the commandment of God our Savior and the Lord Jesus Christ, our hope, 2 To Timothy, a true son in the faith: Grace, mercy, and peace from God our Father and Jesus Christ our Lord. 3 As I urged you when I went into Macedonia–remain in Ephesus that you may charge some that they teach no other doctrine, 4 nor give heed to fables and endless genealogies, which cause disputes rather than godly edification which is in faith.

    2 Timothy 4:1-8
    1 I charge you therefore before God and the Lord Jesus Christ, who will judge the living and the dead at* His appearing and His kingdom: 2 Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching. 3 For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; 4 and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables.

    Comment by chas351 | June 18, 2008

  70. Joseph Smith Jnr: And so it came to pass, I beheld the angel named Moroni, and from him I received the golden chicken.

    Comment by David Miller | June 22, 2008

  71. I’m not really most interested in what anyone says about the chicken, even in reading the Greek or Hebrew about the chicken as valuable as that can be at times. I’m not so interested in what we say about the chicken at church on the weekend. In moving away from the Laodicean age towards the Church of Get Real, questions regarding where the chicken might be or how it got there are of secondary importance. They are another distraction from the main event.

    What matters most is that we have the spiritual courage to not chicken out regarding the chicken, and continue in our quest for what God is looking for from us regarding the chicken, and how that looks when practicing Monday-Friday faith. Mowing the lawn authentically for Jesus’ sake is just as blessed and has just as much reward as walking on water or raising the dead.

    It might be more practical to focus on how the chicken can move us to a higher, deeper revelation of who God really is and into higher, deeper relationship with Him.

    Only this kind of response will touch His heart so that He empowers us to stop the tendency to become legends in our own limited minds, denominations or renewal circles, and break out into the big, bad world to show His grace on our face. We need less talk about where the chicken is walking, less talk about the Gospel and the Renewal, and learn to actually walk the walk of a balanced Christian life. We need to cross the road!

    The Big One, the global revival, can become an idol to those of us who long for renewal, which we put above the Lord Himself just like a new car or a big house can be an idol to the average American tempted to replace the Christian mission with the American dream.

    We need to learn more about how to balance faithfulness in the mundane and humility in handling the profound. We need to learn how to wait without idols, not only as we wait for the second appearing of Messiah, but as we wait for “the big one”, the big renewal which has so long been prophesied.

    Comment by E. J. Irish | August 13, 2008

  72. It is okay now.
    I was driving down the road the other day in my Nissan Patrol and that pesky chicken stepped out and I ran over it.
    So nothing left to worry about as it is definitely “Dead”.
    I am sure I got the right one.

    Comment by thoughtful | January 30, 2009

  73. Thomas Merton- “The chicken chose the ascetic monastic life of the contemplative, rather than the active life, therefore, the chicken has not seen a road in years, and neither does it need to, for only in not knowing the road can it truly know it.”

    Comment by Jason | March 18, 2009

  74. I’ve got another Joel Osteen one.

    Joel Osteen: All the other chickens crossing the road, they’re living their best life. You can cross the road too!

    R.C. Sproul: The chicken didn’t actually cross the road. The farmer crossed for him, and imputed his crossing to the chicken.

    Ecclesiastes: meaningless, meaningless, crossing the road is meaningless!

    John 1: In the beginning there was the road. And the road was with the chicken, and the chicken was the road, because a mac truck ran over it. =(

    Comment by Rob | May 11, 2009


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